lmaoalien:

waiter: hi what would you like to drink?
me: coke please
waiter: sorry we only have meth is that fine?

woke-up-on-derse:

ghostystar:

imagine how different your life would be if you had complete and unrestricted access to all the clothes you wanted and no limitations on wearing them

imagine how confident everyone would be. it’d be beautiful 

(Source: mandaara)

coacalin:

coacalin:

This vodka looks like a fucking galaxy bye.

VINIQ SHIMMERY LIQUEUR.
Please stop asking me.

catholicnun:

my g spot is located about 2 inches inside your wallet

hhantu:

franfrancatman:

My dad and I made this fishtank for my mum for Christmas a few years ago with dollhouse furniture. I thought it was pretty rad

i cant believe your mom is a fish

I need someone who can keep up with me mentally and sexually

(Source: itgetsdown)

"I dont get along with other girls because girls are so bitchy"

bigbardafree:

image

funeralhome420:

i hate that i literally cant tell if im ugly or not and i cant tell if im really fat or just like kinda fat i literally cant tell and sometimes ill be like “im just being dumb im pretty good looking” and then ill be like “wow im being so egotistical i definitely look like shit what am i talking about” like i just…. dont know and it bothers me so much cos it’s something i can’t understand 

lubricates:

do you ever feel like you aren’t good enough for someone so you literally just give up

babyferaligator:

how many gummy vitamins do i need to eat to kill myself

(Source: 420dongsquad)

rubynrags:

Do you know what I want to see?

I wanna see a really cool Disney princess who can’t sing. I wanna see this pretty young girl who sounds like a beached whale when she tries to sing “Happy Birthday.” And none of the musical numbers feature her because she doesn’t sing.

But halfway through the movie, she figures out

She can rap like hell

lameborghini:

school tomorrow kill my ass